How do tops and bottoms gay find each other
Is tops vs bottoms a deal breaker?
Is it just me, or does the conversation of “tops vs bottoms” always come up when talking about homosexual or lesbian sex?
For clarification, a top is one who gives penetration or stimulation (dominant) and the bottom is one who receives (submissive).
I always idea it was just a gay male thing, but I can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked whether I’m a top or a bottom.
I’ve been asked this question by straight allies, too, although they pos it more eloquently by saying, “so are you the boy, or the girl?”
While the question would be a rude one for most, I hold a reputation of entity an open book at times, so being asked the question never phases me. It usually makes me laugh.
My witty response most often leaves them dumbfounded. “It depends on my mood,” I’ll exclaim. Or, “you think that’s really a thing?”
As a bisexual, very feminine gal, my sexuality has always been fluid. I offer, I receive, I seize, and I’ve even been known to share. Sometimes I’m the pursuer and sometimes the pursuee. So, I’ve never known how to accurately answer that question.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized how much I enjoy creature a bottom, mostly because
Top, bottom and switch: Which are you and what are you looking for?
While the terms uppermost, bottom and switch were created by and for homosexual men, they are becoming more frequently used amongst Queer women and genderfluid people. They can be pretty confusing, because they can refer to someone’s sexual preferences, level of dominance, role in their relationships, or all of the above.
Whichever you identify with, or even if you don’t identify with any of these terms, there’s someone out there for you. So whether you prefer tops, bottoms, or own no preference at all- use HER to connect with queer women who are exactly what you’re looking for. Your person could be closer than you think.
LGBTQ+ women: What’s a top?
A top in a lesbian relationship is generally the one who is more dominant, and prefers giving to receiving sexual pleasure. As with all sexuality, tops fall on a spectrum. Some tops will be happy to accept some of the time, but select giving. Some tops don’t want to receive at all. Two people who choose to name themselves tops might not work adv together in bed- simply because both people will wanna give all the time!
People often take for granted that tops are the more masculine
How Do People Make Bottom-Bottom Relationships Work?
When 34-year-old Atticus first met his husband, they took things leisurely before fucking. “There was a lot going on in each of our lives that gave us a connection,” he explains. “We were still figuring ourselves and our preferences out.” When they did start getting down and dirty, they came to a realization: Atticus is a kinky sub who generally prefers to bottom, whereas his partner is a “mostly vanilla” guy… who also loves to bottom.
On paper, they’re totally sexually incompatible, yet 12 years later, they’re still going strong.
This might arrive as a surprise. Even a brief scroll through Grindr will flag countless “hung tops” and “sub bottoms” on a grid of faceless, oiled-up torsos. Even guys who self-identify as “versatile” often hold a preference when it comes to fucking and being fucked, the implication being that two bottoms can never make it work.
But according to male lover erotica author P.B. Breckinridge, this is “a bunch of shit — if you keep things resourceful in the bedroom, hear to what your guy needs and give it to him, it will work.” In their eyes, bottom-on-bottom banging is actually the sexual gold typical. “Us bott
Straight people tend to obtain a little hung up on titles and roles in queer relationships. When it comes to homosexual sex, many people manage to think rigidly and a little too heteronormatively for their own good: one person is the top (aka the giver or the more dominant partner during sex), and one is the bottom (the receiver or the submissive partner).
It’s sort of a more prying version of the other severely reductive and incredibly problematic question queer people listen all the time: “Who’s the man in the relationship? Who’s the woman?”
Of course, as with anything related to sex, the binary relationship between tops and bottoms is a lot more complicated than that. Sure, there are plenty of queer folks who almost exclusively bottom or top during sex, but there’s just as many who consider themselves versatile or switch (And hey, sometimes, just enjoy with straight sex, there’s no penetration at all. Sex is fluid!)
To dig a little deeper, we asked queer men about topping and bottoming, the stereotypes associated with both and how they choose to use (or not!) the terms in their own lives.
Let’s start with some hasty and dirty definitions for tops and bottoms. (And switche
Gaymenare constantly referring to and defining themselves as "tops" or "bottoms." When they consider dating or simply hooking up, gay men typically ask the other guy whether he's a top, a bottom or "versatile." It's important to find this out as soon as possible, because if you are planning to date or get into a relationship, it's vitally important that you and he be sexually compatible with each other.
The whole issue of tops and bottoms came up recently with the discharge of a unused study that looked at whether or not people can determine whether a gay man is a top or a bottom just by looking at facial cues. The study revealed that judgments made about whether an individual is a foremost or a bottom are based on perceived masculine and feminine traits.
There's so much speak and discussion about who gives and who receives. I've had straight people tell me that they assumed that most gay guys simply take turns. Yes, some act, but most don't. But what if a guy isn't a top, a bottom or even versatile? What about gay men who have never engaged in anal sex and never will, ever?
I ponder they deserve a name of their own. I notify them "sides."
Defining a Side
Sides prefer to k
Gaymenare constantly referring to and defining themselves as "tops" or "bottoms." When they consider dating or simply hooking up, gay men typically ask the other guy whether he's a top, a bottom or "versatile." It's important to find this out as soon as possible, because if you are planning to date or get into a relationship, it's vitally important that you and he be sexually compatible with each other.
The whole issue of tops and bottoms came up recently with the discharge of a unused study that looked at whether or not people can determine whether a gay man is a top or a bottom just by looking at facial cues. The study revealed that judgments made about whether an individual is a foremost or a bottom are based on perceived masculine and feminine traits.
There's so much speak and discussion about who gives and who receives. I've had straight people tell me that they assumed that most gay guys simply take turns. Yes, some act, but most don't. But what if a guy isn't a top, a bottom or even versatile? What about gay men who have never engaged in anal sex and never will, ever?
I ponder they deserve a name of their own. I notify them "sides."
Defining a Side
Sides prefer to k