How can you tell your son is gay
Topics mentioned: sexuality, how to talk to your youngster about mental health
I don’t think that our eldest son had planned on coming out when he did.
We were having an argument about putting the ‘Find my iPhone’ app on his phone so we could track him down in case of an emergency. Soon the row escalated into a heated debate about his human rights, and the next thing he blurted out:
"I’ve got something to tell you. I am gay."
As a parent, however prepared you might be for an announcement of this kind, you can never be totally sure how you are going to react.
Instinctively, I threw my arms around him, told him how pleased I was of him and said that we didn’t care who he loved as we would always love him. I felt a huge swathe of emotions, but what really broke my heart was the knowledge that he’d known for a while and hadn’t been able to share his feelings with anyone. The idea that he had been going through his ‘journey’ alone was heart-breaking to hear.
He then told his Dad, who reacted exactly as I had hoped and, after more hugs and encouraging words, our son brought the conversation to a seal with a ‘By the way, what’s for dinner?’
As I relayed in When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterling, 2016), I found out that my son was gay from a note with our son's name entwined with another boy's, surrounded by a heart. I accidentally found that note in his room when I was cleaning.
I never questioned him about the heart I found on the sly. How would I have brought it up? Suppose I was wrong? After all, he had a crush on a girl in his class.
I had suspected at times that he was gay. He only had girls to his thirteenth birthday party. He preferred gentler sports. He was always concerned about how he looked and followed fashion. Were these stereotypical thoughts from a linear mother? You bet, but it was ingrained through the culture's binary system and ideas about how males were "supposed to" behave.
As it turns out, our son didn't arrive out until he was 17, was on his own, and brought a boyfriend to visit. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have defensively said "No!" He had to work it out and work through his denial. I'm glad I muzzled myself.
Susan Berland, the mother of a queer son who coaches parents of LGBTQ kids, caution, "It's not a nice idea to ask. Leave your c
Help! My Son is Gay
by Ricky Chelette, Executive Director
“So should I push my son towards women now?” That’s a question I often get from fathers of young men who are struggling with same gender attractions. Dads are often devastated by the discovery of their son’s homosexuality. But the react to their son’s struggle is not to push him into the arms of a woman. In fact, such a move could actually do more damage than good.
But what should a dad undertake for his son? In a word: connect! I discover when saying that many dads might think, “I am connected to my son. He’s my son. I’ve been around him since birth. We are fine.” But the fact is that simply being show doesn’t mean you have any caring of emotional, intimate, connection with your son. He is a sensitive guy who needs to be spoken to in a language he can perceive and understand. Proclamations of facts undertake little to change position his heart. He wants words dripping with raw feeling and heart-felt fire. He wants to know you, intimately, and feel the weight of your passion for him. In many ways, he wants you to look him straight in his eyes and relate him how much you love him, how proud you are of him, and how you think he has what i
My Son Might Be Queer . What Should I Tell to Him?
Making your way through this cruel, confounding, ever-changing world is tough. Something make you anxious this week, or any week? Lay it on me at askdaveholmes@gmail.com. I'm here to help you minimize the damage you will necessarily inflict on the world just by being alive.
So, what's your problem?
Dave,
I have a 17-year-old son, and I am fairly sure he is gay. He is not out, although I don't know if he might be to any fasten friends. What's hardest for me as his dad is that I comprehend that this time of life can be confusing and frustrating to any kid, and I only know the experience of a straight guy. I can't imagine how much harder or more complicated it must be for him. I would cherish to be able to be more supportive of him, but I certainly am not going to confront him.
Since your column a couple of weeks ago was counsel for coming out to your family, my comparable question is: What guide do you have for the family of someone who hasn't yet approach out?
Many thanks,
Mark
Mark, you are one hell of a father, so first and foremost: thank you. You're attuned to your kid's developing identity, you're not trying to chang
5 Powerful Things You Can Do If Your Child Tells You, "I'm Gay."
You may not possess been expecting to hear the words "I'm gay" from your child. Not only did you never envision it, but your religious beliefs and standards also do not align with queer relationships. So, what do you perform now? How undertake you respond to your child telling you they're gay?
As a parent, you may have had the inclination that your child may be gay. As a result, the news may simply confirm your suspicions, and the conversation may be manageable. On the opposite, you may experience angry or shocked. Likewise, you may struggle with the idea and own a natural tendency to shut down the conversation or put it off as merely a phase they're going through. In truths, regardless of how you feel, the way you respond in the first five minutes could set the tone for your toddler for years to come.
In this article, we'll discuss the critical moments after your child comes to you and says, "I'm gay." With the support of Dr. Devon Mills is a licensed therapist in Atlanta, GA, we'll highlight five influential things you can do to support create a place of safety and love, regardless of how you sense about